Γ 15

[silk_for_calde]

I was aching and still bleeding from my fight with the White-Headed One-- that great, cruel bird whose sacrilegious name I won't utter-- when I found my way through Blood's villa to Hyacinth's rooms. Her small body had nearly disappeared amongst the sheets and tumbled blankets and so I did not notice her at first; until some noise, some drawn breath or low whimper alerted me, I thought myself alone in the room. I had little time to ponder this, and none to explain myself... had an explanation been necessary. Her glassy eyes stared dreamily at me and past me, lips curving in a smile, a wordless invitation. She was fine-featured, hair dark as a raven's wing tumbling over her body.

I heard in the hallway the sounds of my pursuers, the guards and private retainers of the man whose house I'd come to rob. Desperate, I tore my robe off and leaped beneath her sheets as they burst through the door. I had never seen her before; never heard tell of this woman who lived in Blood's home, whom he lent as he willed to the powerful men he sought to sway. She did not protest; she clung to me, the philtre she'd taken-- Beggar's Root, she told me later, to make her duties less abhorrent-- clouding her judgment. I believe she kissed me, then, for the first time; I cannot recall. I leaped to my feet as the men entered, kicking my vestments below the bed, and fired my needler into the darkness, shouting.

The guards stopped where they stood, and the woman beside me sat up, startled. "Go back to sleep, Hyacinth," I said. "This doesn't concern you." To this day I do not know why I called her by that name-- and yet, it was the right one, as I soon learned. The guards apologized and left us alone, assuming I numbered among Blood's many guests, and I found myself shocked into silence.

We spoke for some time, once I recovered my meager wits-- the philtre had not worn off, and she was insistent; affectionate. I explained the circumstances by which I had come to be in her home (though in a sense it was as much a cage as a home; I vividly recalled how I'd smashed Oreb's cage to kindling and longed to do the same for her, another prized and dearly-bought bird!) It seems we spoke for hours, though it could not have been so long. As we did her head seemed to clear, her gaze becoming brighter as the philtre's effects wore off.

I expected that once she was free of the Root's influence, she would scream and bring the guards back upon me, and sought to dress myself, hampered by the wounds I'd sustained. She helped me, though her smirking words were no help at all, but showed no sign of turning upon me as I'd feared. I lingered; my promises to the Outsider wavering, the sacrifice I owed Tenebrous Tartaros forgotten. I sat beside her as an augur; as though I were shriving her, though we did not speak of such things. What words did we trade? I cannot recall-- all I remember is the moment when, clear-eyed and in possession of her wits, Hyacinth leaned forward and kissed me.

"Stay with me, Silk," she said firmly, and I felt as though Comely Kypris herself had enlightened me, charging me with a solemn duty, looking in Hyacinth's eyes.

And stay I did.

May all the gods forgive me.

[ooc: This is mostly true, in fact, except for the end >D poor boy will hate himself in the morning. o god.]

Comments

YOU'VE SHOCKED HER :O 1/1

[lionesscouchant.livejournal.com]

1/1 || He hopes she can forgive him ;__;

[silk_for_calde]

Of course she will ;-;

[lionesscouchant.livejournal.com]

I'll speak to you tomorrow, Silk?

♥ this is not his favorite curse ever

[silk_for_calde]

Of course, Lucy.

Although after this, I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to again.

[lionesscouchant.livejournal.com]

That won't happen.

[silk_for_calde]

You are a better friend than I deserve, dear Lucy.

I'm sorry I-- I shouldn't have spoken of such matters. I don't rightly know what came over me.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

Uh, all that was really romantic. what's to confess?

[silk_for_calde]

I'm an augur. Such things; such an act, no matter how-- it is forbidden. Our oath to the gods prevents it. Children of the body are denied us, so that all men and all women are our children, as all men and women are the children of the gods.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

So...a priest? You're merely human, dude. Flesh is weak.

[silk_for_calde]

You might say priest, in your whorl; there are differences, but the idea is the same.

It means I will never see the gods again, if they deign to come to my manteion's Sacred Window. That is a sacrifice, an evil, I cannot deny.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

There's no forgiveness for your transgression?

[silk_for_calde]

Forgiveness-- Kypris would forgive me; love is hers, and Hyacinth is hers as well. The Outsider may forgive me, in time; though in embracing Hyacinth I forgot the charge he'd laid upon me, denied my promise to him.

The rest? The Nine? I do not know. I feel certain they wouldn't; and if they did it would not allow me to see. Echidna commands it so. No man who has known woman may look upon the Gods, or hear their voices. If they came I would understand some of the message, but I would see only the Holy Hues. No faces, no words.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here. So, if you have sex with a girl, you can't...be holy?

[silk_for_calde]

I'm sure the Prolocutor could have me stripped of my office. I could still pray; under certain circumstances, I could even still bless and shrive others and offer sacrifices. Laymen can perform many of an augur's duties if there is no augur present.

But having corrupted my vow, who would wish me to remain their spiritual leader? Certainly I wouldn't wish a liar and a lecher to be my representative to the gods.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

I would want someone to represented me, an imperfect man, to upper-management, personally. Some perfect guy? I've never been one to follow the perfect guys.

[silk_for_calde]

Imperfection isn't evil; all men are imperfect. But I would not willingly put my faith in one to whom sacred oaths clearly mean nothing. How could you trust such a person to watch your best interests?

I have never been an exceptional man, a perfect man-- but save that act, I have always striven to be a good man. Faced with Hyacinth's eyes... my morality ceased to matter, and for that reason I cannot even trust myself.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

Considering the things you saying to me right now, I don't see a person to whom oathes don't matter.

[silk_for_calde]

I wish that were true. Thank you for saying it, anyway.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

So, you're saying you wanted to break your oathe, but feel bad about wanting to?

[silk_for_calde]

I am saying that, knowing which choice is right, which is good, and knowingly going against it... Even in the name of-- of, love... That is unforgivable.

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

Love isn't good? If that's what your gods teach, then count me out, man.

ahaa, assume this was posted pre-midnight ^^;

[silk_for_calde]

No-- that's... I fear you're misunderstanding me, my son.

There is nothing more important than love; as an augur I ought to love all bios, and I try to-- try to find the good in each person and love them for it, and I usually succeed. It isn't wrong of me to love Hyacinth. But a god-- a minor god, some would say, though I tend to think of him as great-- enlightened me. He charged me with a task; a sacred duty given to me.

A duty I was willing to abandon, for the sake of the flesh.

Same here!

[westcoastrc.livejournal.com]

Go and ask for forgiveness. Of course, you'll have to mean it, but the last time I checked, gods liked grovelling.